A softer post

Noman said that the last few posts have been really aggressive; exactly what I was thinking before he pointed out. (He was like: Dude get your hormone levels checked up). Well, my family also accuses me of peevishness during the tension-full test and exam days, which reminds me of the broody hen again.

I keep on mentioning the broody hen because, one, thats the perfect example, two, I have a vast experience with broody hens and three, thats what my brother calls me in the exam days.

Hens are just made for humans; they can't fly and they lay eggs daily and they wont incubate the eggs until they go broody. Keeping hens is fun and a great learning experience. For example, I can tell that a hen is about to lay an egg from its behaviour. I remember, years back when we had kept hens (I wasn't really interested, my brother is an animal buff) they used to lay eggs early in the morning. The hen who wanted to lay egg would get a little lazy, wander away from the rest of the flock and produce a particular long sound, like prraaaaannnnnkkkkk ppaaawwwkkkkk paawwkk. (Oh and one day during the forensic lecture in the forensic lecture theater I was demonstrating this sound to Saad when Madam Rana caught me and asked me to sit on the front bench!) She would then find a secluded place preferably her own cage and I would follow her, naturally. There she would sit for some time and when she would stand up suddenly it would be the moment. She would sometimes close her eyes forcefully indicating that she is in pain but she is patient. And I would fix my eyes on the point of exit indicating that I am excited but I am hungry. And then it would appear. I would clench my teeth and in my mind would say, 'Yes honey, come on, push, you can do it' (I had these doctor instincts since childhood?) and there it is shiny, slimy, fresh and hot from the oven and I would be like, 'Gaawwd...that was stretchy.' I would wait for it to get dry while the hen would jump off and produce another particular sound: pataaiink puk puk puk pataink puk puk puk telling the whole flock and the owners and the neighbours that she had just laid an egg.

Everyone's 'first time' is difficult. First timers get nervous and reluctant and afraid that the process or the result might go wrong but once they are through it, it becomes very natural just like err breathing. When one of our hens was about to lay an egg for the first time she was nervous too. The 'getting ready' stage was prolonged quite a lot. She sat in her cage for so long. Fed up of waiting, I just went away. When I came back all that was there in the cage was the yolk and the egg white. The shell either wasn't produced or got stuck somewhere inside.

I don't know about hens but the sexuality of ducks can be quite complex. Once we had two ducklings who grew up to be mature ducks. My brother was persistent that both are females while I had seen them mating quite often. Once my uncle was going out of the house and the ducks were mating just in front of the gate. He decided not to disturb them. He waited and saw them with great enthusiasm. When they were done, he crossed the gate. So my uncle was a witness of their being a male-female couple too. One morning there was an egg in the ducks' cage. My uncle said, triumphantly, 'See? I told you, one is male and one is female.' Then there were matings and there were eggs almost everyday. One day I locked them in separate cages and in the morning, BEHOLD there were eggs in both the cages. I decided not to ponder. We never kept their eggs.

We would just eat most of the hens' eggs but if we planned to get them incubated we would put the date on the egg shaking it as little as possible and would keep it at a dark place. Then we would buy a special hen who would be likely to go broody. When it would, we would build a nest at a secluded, dark place: put some dried hay in a tub or a basket, make its surface concave, put the eggs on it and gently drop the hen over it and she would be the happiest hen on the earth. She would arrange the eggs the way she likes and then would sit on them. You can put the eggs of any species under her; geese, ducks, other hens, lizards, crocodiles, snakes, dinosaurs, she wont mind, she just wants be a mother. We actually kept the eggs of different hen species that we had; Golden Buff, Black Buff, Silkie etc.

Once a day we would pick her up from the eggs (with gloves on hands because her hormones mess up and she gets very very aggressive and would bite you, probably thinking that you are a thief and have come to take her eggs.) and leave her out to wander a little, stretch her muscles, eat and excrete. She wont excrete on her eggs! After a while we would put her back again. During the time when the hen would be away I would sometimes inspect the eggs. An egg getting heavier meant there was someone inside, to confirm I would illuminate the egg with a torch (Now really, I had these doctor instincts since childhood) During the last days even the sound of the chick would come from the egg.

Twenty one days later the eggs would start hatching, starting from the place where their beak is. Their mother would help them come out by breaking the shell with her own beak. Cute little plump chicks, their heads popping out from under the feathers of their mother as if the hen had many small heads. Now the hen would come out with her chicks, giving them food and protecting them from any possible predator. She would attack any one; a cat, a dog, a human. And they would grow. The hen would be happy, the chicks would be happy and we would be happy.