Benazir Bhutto

With all those French, Polish, Spanish and Swiss charges of money laundering against her, her 1.5 billion dollar assets and statements like "We will hand over AQ Khan to America" and "We will allow Americal troops to find Osama in Pakistan", Benazir was never my favourite. I never liked her coming back, I hated the NRO. But what happened yesterday never ever crossed my mind. The news had me moved quite a lot. Its another national tragedy in the history of Pakistani politics. Her father was hanged in the same city. The first Prime Minister Liaqat Ali Khan was assassinated in the same place as where she was addressing people, hence the name Liaqat Bagh (formerly it was called Company Bagh). And its not just her, so many other innocent lives that have gone waste, so many other lives that will be wasted in the coming days in protests. Pakistan has never been stable politically since its creation. Will it ever be? Its all a game of gaining power. Leaders killing, sacking, sending to exile each other. They shouldnt be called leaders by the way if it is just power that they strive for. And the common people, well they have never been a matter of interest at higher levels.

People responsible for her assassination can possibly be:

*The Chaudhrys and the remains of Zia ul Haq as she had said herself that they wanted her removed. (In which the government administration stands responsible too...how did the assassin manage to get through the security gates with weapons and bomb unnoticed? In that case it all seems pre planned)

*The family of her brother Mir Murtaza, who believed that she was responsible for Murtaza's killing.

*Islamic millitants who might have wanted her removed because of her pro American views.

*Other anti Pakistani forces who wanted to destabilise the country even more.

Will we ever be able to stop this blood shed? Will the transfer of power be ever smooth in Pakistan? I think Pakistan needs a complete revolution. Thats the only solution. A strong dedicated person taking over everything and putting the country on the right path.

Tala Chandrika

This is a cycle of 8 1/2 beats. Ive never heard this tala anywhere else. The raga is more common. Its the pentatonic Megh, the monsoon raga.

Gender inequality?

Ever wondered why the great scientists, philosophers, musicians and painters are mostly male? All you can come up is a feminist view that women are not given enough chances. They are suppressed and harassed and maltreated by men. However I found out a fact which might as well be another reason.

*Males have 26 billion neurons in their neocortex while females have only 19 billion (Neocortex is a part of brain that is involved in higher functions such as sensory perception, generation of motor commands, spatial reasoning, conscious thought, and language)

*Males have more grey matter in their brain while females have more white matter (Grey matter consists of the neurons while the white matter is just the nerve fibres)

(from My Brilliant Brain, National Geographic Channel)


P.S. Im not a masculist or something but a fact is a fact. Sorry ladies :-)

Goats

A goat might not be the mans best friend but some of them certainly love human beings. They need to see a man all the time. The moment they cant see any person near by they start bleating no matter how many other goats they have to their company. You are lucky if you get such a goat on Eid? Might be. But only before the Eid day. To see such a goat being slaughtered infront of your eyes will certainly hurt you. I really hate this animal slaughtering.
The Eid day passed as usual. Molvi sahab's sermon at the Eid prayer was interesting. Referring to the mobile ring tones he said, "masjidon main likha honay k bawajood mobile bol partay hain...yani namaz k doran moseeki...tobah astaghfirullah...ab to logo ne alarms bhi moseeki walay lagaye hotay hain (that was astonishing to him and his astonishment made me astonish) ...main science k khilaf nahi laikin jithay v jao ae science bol paindi ae..chahay banda so raha ho ya kaheen or ho (he was so dumb and could not even realise that it was solely due to science that his voice was audible to that gathering of thousands) ...ye moseeki musalmano ka sheva nahi hai...sab bhai hath ooper karain or kahain k ainda moseeki or ganay walai bell nahi sunain gay" I was among those who did not raise their hands.
No wonder why we cant progress. I mean these molvis can be a great help to bring a social change. No other person gets so frequent a chance to address a large gathering of people. They could discuss social/political matters at the sermons. They could talk about the upcoming elections. They could advise us to cast our votes. They could talk about the flour shortage in the markets, the loadshedding, the high prices. They could talk about the suicide bombings. They could talk about international issues. What does music has to do with all that? If they think that discarding music will automatically reform everything then I think they are living in a fool's paradise. The country's state can change if all the molvis start taking part in the country's development programs.

Ismail Gulgee

The reknowned painter, sculptorist of Pakistan found dead yesterday along with his wife and a servant in his Karachi residence. He was 81. He started painting when he was studying engineering in Columbia and Harvard Universities, USA. He was comissioned to paint a portrait of King Zahir Shah of Afghanistan. He also painted the Chinese premier Zhou Enlai, Prince Karim Agha Khan, Queen Fara Diba of Iran and President Ayub Khan of Pakistan. Then his interest grew in calligraphy and sculptors, and introduced inovative ideas. He made sculptors of bronze, marble and other precious stones.

A deep sigh is all I can react to this.

More music quotes

"Music, music above all, the rest is literature."

Paul Verlaine, French poet.

"If music be the food of love, play on."

William Shakespear

"A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy"

Albert Einstein

Lucky wife

"Your wife will be very lucky to have you"

Now that three separate people have said this to me, I really believe it :-D

Raga Tilak Kamod

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A rare raga and one of my favourites. I am really impressed at the way this lady has rendered it. Exceptionally beautiful.

World Performing Arts Festival 2007

Starting from 22nd november till 2nd december at Alhamra Qazaffi. Its the only event I crave for the whole year. Here is the complete programme.

http://www.danka.com.pk/docs/wpaf2007programme.pdf

and here is the introduction video:




God...am I excited to see that :)

Unrequited love

This is the opening dialogue of The Holiday. Its interesting

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

Jigsaw Killer

Watching Saw lV I thought that how close these Saw movies are to real life. Just as people in the movie, we wake up and find ourselves in a jigsaw. Oblivious of where we came from. Oblivious of who sent us. Oblivious of why we are here. Things become a bit clear as time passes. We come to know that we have to strugle to survive. And this is what we do. Throughout life we struggle, we earn, we eat; just to survive. We dont care for others, we think about ourselves only. We can even slay others if its a question of our own being alive. All of us are put in different games. And we put our endevours to pass through them. Some die out in between, some die accidently, some fed up of the game choose the path of suicide and some reach the last stages of the game. Still strugling to survive in the very last moments, they pass out eventually. Gone. They will never come back. Is someone really testing us too? Is there a real Jigsaw Killer out there who put us in this labyrinth? If yes, then hes very cruel.

Sketches

I drew these a couple of months back.

The Beginning

Angel

Dandiya

Exquisite

Melody Queen

I have to be intensely involved with a man, otherwise I cannot sing. My music abandons me.

Noor Jahan.

This universe has only one earth and it had only one Noor Jahan. Listening to her, sometimes I go to heaven and then come back. And its not just listening; seeing her sing the songs is a rare treat too. Its like I cave in totally and she takes me to the depths, the ups and downs of the songs, I travel with her and then she drops me off at my place. Ive never seen such beauty, voice and brains all in one. There are a very few people who become a legend when they are alive. Madam had some special blessings.

Receiving the goddess on their land again after 35 years, this is what the Indians had to say to her:

Philosophy of life

"Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life."

Ayn Rand

Her feudal lord

I am totally dazzled by Tehmina Durrani's My feudal lord. What a brave woman she is! She suffered before writing the book and even more after it. Her honesty about the book can be doubted but how her own people turned a cold shoulder to her after its publication is a proof that most part of the book is truth. This book revolves around love and politics. I saw very different aspects of both these areas, both areas of my interest :) First Il describe love.

When Tehmina met Ghulam Mustafa Khar (the famous PPP leader, called the Lion of Punjab and notorious for seven marriages) for the first time she was married and had a daughter and so was Mustafa(with her fifth wife). They fell in love, divorced their previous spouses and got married. Ghulam Mustafa Khar belongs to a feudal family who have strict rules and traditions and who cannot break them. Parties, dinners, cigars, dogs, hunting were his particulars. Having a feudal mind, Mustafa's love for Tehmina was very intense. He was owerpowered by jealousy. He had strict rules for her, she couldnt go anywhere without his permission. He even used to beat her, sometimes so violently that she bled, that too on trivial matters. He wouldnt allow her to go to a male gynecologist. But every time he beat her he used to repent afterwards. He would know his tyranny instantly and would beg her to forgive him. He would even cry sometimes in her lap. Tehmina says that it was very strange to see the Lion of Punjab shattered to pieces like that. Love can reduce such a strong man to an intimidated mouse. She left him several times but he used to become pathetic after her. He used to beg her to return, admitting all his mistakes. But he would never give up his violence too. Once Mustafa kidnapped her children and sent them to Pakistan while they were in London, conditioning their retrun with her return only. She had to cave in. She suffered it for eleven years. Just to give an example of a feudal mind below is a picture of Fakhra Younas, wife of Mustafa's son from previous marriage. He threw acid on his wife's face. This just one of the women in our society who suffered the same fate. Poor women. Along with her is Tehmina.

It was due to continued efforts of Tehmina that Mustafa was released after spending three years of incarceration. The differences continued and she finally got a divorce after eleven years of marriage. The conclusion I drew, Mustafa wrote himself to Tehmina while in prison, 'All the great legends of love end in tragedy...their love was intenst, NOT PRACTICAL AND BALANCED. You cannot find balance in love, which is why you have to be prepared to carry its burden if you want love.' Well....thats right I guess. Intense love is not practical(at least in our social setup) but if is practical, conditioned to rules then I dont think its love. Its nothing more than a commitment ;) Here I remember a verse of Daagh Dehelvi

Lutf woh ishq main paaye hain ke ji janta hai

Ranj bhi aisay uthaye hain ke ji janta hai

I think that Tehmina must admit to this :) Its not that im supporting violence on women. I cannot even think of that. In our society women are victims. They suffer a lot of injustice. Tehmina did too. But she fought back for which she had to pay a heavy price. Her father disinherited her, she lost all her assets to Mustafa, she was charged for treason and adultery. Why did God have to make women weaker? Mustafa now has a seventh wife and Tehmina is married to Shehbaz Sharif (brother of Nawaz Sharif, the PML-N leader)

Now comes politics. A common man never comes to know what games are played by politicians for power. Many things would not have become public had Tehmina not written this book. In order to remove Zia from power, Mustafa and Bhutto's sons had decided to assassinate him. Mustafa met the Indian Prime Mininster who decided to help them achieve this purpose. Indian intelligence was involved thus. They helped transfer a lot of ammunition to Pakistan through Indian border. But on the day of operation the whole conspiracy was caught by Pakistani officials and the plan failed. The nation never knew that.

What if

What if
I dont recover this time.
The prayers of
so many people
go waste.

What if
The questions
remain unanswered.
The hidden
remains hidden.
The truth
remains buried.

What if
She never knows
how much
I craved for her.
How she brought colours
to my life.

What if
I dont recover this time.
Where did I come from
Where would I go
What about
the ecstacy,
the dreams,
the affliction ?

Fusion

This clip is from the movie American blend and is an excellent blend of kathak and tap dance. The rythms are well synchronised. Anyone having a little understanding of rythm can appreciate that. And yeah its beautiful :-) Every step is like a challange to the guy which he fulfils successfully.

Music, musicians

"The vibrations on the air are the breath of God speaking to man's soul. Music is the language of God. We musicians are as close to God as man can be. We hear his voice, we read his lips, we give birth to the children of God, who sing his praise. That's what musicians are."

"An artist is someone who has learnt to trust in himself!"

"Dreams can be wonderful, they can also be dangerous, sometimes all the more wonderful because of the danger"

Anna to Jesus referring to her music: "You gave me the gift, so why are you telling me not to use it? Why are you doing this to me? I didnt ask for this gift. What do you want me to do?"

Anna: "I just dont understand maestro, where does the movement end?"
Beethoven: "It doesnt end; it flows. You have to stop thinking in terms of begining and ending. This is not one of the bridges your iremen build; this is the living thing, like clouds taking shape or tides shifting"
Anna: "But musicly how does it work?"
Beethoven: "It doesnt work, it grows. You see the first movement becomes the second. As each idea dies a new one is born. You are obsessed with structure in choosing the correct form. You have to listen to the voice speaking inside of you. I didnt really hear it myself until I went deaf. Not that I want you to go deaf."
Anna: "You are telling me that I must find the silence in myself so I can hear the music?"
Beethoven: "Yes..yes..yes...silence is the key, this silence between the noise. When that silence envelops you then your soul can see."

Copying Beethoven

Ah, that is lovely.

Emergency

The constitution gives President the power to proclaim emergency in a province or in the whole country if

the President is satisfied that a grave emergency exists in which the security of Pakistan, or any part is threatened by war or external aggression, or by internal disturbance beyond the power of a Provincial Government to control (who reads the conditions anyways; the president has the power to proclaim emergency thats enough)

The president issues a Provisional Constitutional Order which enumerates the details of emergency


The Provisional Constitutional Order (PCO) is not known yet but the effects of emergency and the powers confered to the government are following:

*The parliment gets the power to make any kind of laws, even those not enlisted in the Federal Legislative List. (i.e. it can make un-constitutional laws)

*Such a law would cease to have effect six months after the proclamation of emergency.

*The parliment can extend the term of National Assembly for one year.

*The following fundamental rights are suspended:
Freedom of movement
Freedom of assembly
Freedom to form associations/unions
Freedom of trade, business or profession
Freedom of speech
Protection of property rights

(i.e. the government can do anything to you, if you move, if you talk against them. They can scatch your property. They can put you in jail for no reason and they can not be held accountable for that)

*Any courts working for the enforcement of fundamental rights shall remain suspended.

*If the National Assembly stands dissolved at the time when a Proclamation is issued, the Proclamation shall continue in force for a period of three months but, if a general election to the Assembly is not held before the expiration or that period, it shall cease to be in force at the expiration of that period unless it has earlier been approved by a resolution of the Senate.

*The validity of Proclamation or any order made under proclamation can not be called in question in any court.

Under such powers what they have done first is to kick out the Chief Justice(their ultimate rival) from the supreme court building. He was verbally said that his services are not required any more (geo tv web site). Secondly the media was taking too much advantage of a general's leniency. It had to be taught a lesson. And I should better stop writing lest the officials drop by my blog and give me some hard time.

The dead of Iwo Jima

Just saw the movie Flags of our Fathers. Quiet sentimental. World war 2. Americans conquering the island of Iwo Jima of Japan. Thousands died. Six men while raising the American flag on mount Suribachi were photographed by Joe Rosenthal. That photo became iconic of American victory and was all over American press. The six men became famous. Three of them died without even knowing that they were celebrities. The rest of the three were brought back home and were used to raise funds for the war. Ira Hyes, one of the three men was Indian. He faced anti-Native American prejudice both during and after the war. He returned to his home in Arizona, where he drank heavily and sank into poverty. He was eventually found dead in a ditch, after a heavy drinking spree. Rene Gagnon, the second also returned to his home, where he spent the rest of his life holding a series of dead-end jobs. John Bradley was the only one who apparently lived a happy life financialy after the war. He had terrible memories. He had hallucinations. He would wake up at nights from nightmares. He stashed away all of his war time memorabilia including a Navy Cross. He did not even tell anything at all about the war to his son, James Bradley who learnt the details after his fathers death and that his father had got a Navy Cross. James later wrote a book on which this movie is based.

What did they fight for? What did they get? They did not get Japan. They killed and returned and led miserable lives. A common man can never see what they saw on the island, what made them lunatics. Why do people fight? A war is the ugliest thing in the world.

The NRO: injustice, fraud

The National Reconciliation Ordinance 2007 contains seven sections most of which are an amendment of National Accountability Bureau Ordinance, 1999. Subsection 2 of section 2 says

'The Federal Government or a Provincial Government may, before the judgment is pronounced by a trial court, withdraw from the prosecution of any person including an absconding accused who is found to be falsely involved for political reasons or through political victimization in any case initiated between 1st day of January, 1986 to 12th day of October, 1999.'

Subsection 3 says

'For the purposes of exercise of powers under sub-section (2) the Federal Government and the Provincial Government may each constitute a Review Board to review the entire record of the case and furnish recommendations as to their withdrawal or otherwise.'

After reading these two provisions one must think about the role of judiciary itself. The federal and the provincial governments are being given the power to withdraw any case pending in the court if they find the accused to be falsely involved for political reasons. Now this is exactly what the role of judiciary is. Wether the accused is falsely involved or otherwise will be decided by the court and this is why the accused were tried. Why does the federal and the provincial governments have to intervene? What is the role of judiciary then? And secondly why specifically from the period of 1986 to 1999? Were people falsely involved only in this period? Before 1986 and after 1999 the crimes were genuine crimes? Then the federal and the provincial governments can constitute a Review Board to review the entire record of the case. Again this is the job of the courts. The federal and the provincial governments have more important things to do.

Section 7 says:

Withdrawal and termination of prolonged pending proceedings initiated prior to 12th October, 1999.

(1) Notwithstanding anything contained in this Ordinance or any other law for the time being in force, proceedings under investigation or pending in any court including a High Court and the Supreme Court of Pakistan initiated by or on a reference by the National Accountability Bureau inside or outside Pakistan, requests for mutual assistance and civil party to proceedings initiated by the Federal Government before the 12th day of October, 1999 against holders of public office stand withdrawn and terminated with immediate effect and such holders of public office shall also not be liable to any action in future as well under this Ordinance for acts having been done in good faith before the said date;
Provided that those proceedings shall not be withdrawn and terminated which relate to cases registered in connection with the cooperative societies and other financial and investment companies or in which no appeal, revision or constitutional petition has been filed against final judgment and order of the Court or in which an appellate or revisional order or an order in constitutional petition has become final or in which voluntary return or plea bargain has been accepted by the Chairman, National Accountability Bureau.

(2) No action or claim by way of suit, prosecution, complaint or other civil or criminal proceeding shall lie against the Federal, Provincial or Local Government, the National Accountability Bureau or any of their officers and functionaries for any act or thing done or intended to be done in good faith pursuant to the withdrawal and termination of cases under sub-section (1) unless they have deliberately misused authority in violation of law.

Look what we are doing in the name of national reconciliation. It is a humiliation of the judiciary and NAB. It means the courts have been wasting their time for so long hearing those cases? And why in the first place should the cases be withdrawn and that too against holders of public office. Before october 1999 if any one was murdered, if money was laundered, if corruption was done, are we going to give liberty to people responsible of such acts that easy? We are giving freedom to the obvious beneficiary of this ordinance, the chairperson PPP against whom there are charges of corruption and money laundering in the courts of not only Pakistan but also Switzerland, Poland, France and Middle East. According to this ordinance that was all done in good faith? For a split second if we believe that they are sorry for what they did, what is the guarantee that they will not do it again? Not only this, the government has also exempted itself from any possible trouble by making another provision that no action can be made against the government for withdrawing and terminating such cases.
The minister for information confessed yerterday that it was all done on the demands of the United States. (Nawa-e-waqt) Pakistan is America's.

Salvation

(Night, Window, Moon)

Perhaps this smoke
I inhale
would heal my wound.
Perhaps this smoke
I exhale
would take away with it
the pain.
Tears my tears,
atleast you dont go;
you were my own.
I thus close my eyes.
I dont want them
to open again.
Ever.

Beauty

Ricky: "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

American beauty

Ah, that is just so true. 101% case with me.

Ordinary

Theres nothing worse in life than being ordinary.

American beauty

Music and life

Nothing on earth is so well suited to make the sad merry, the merry sad, to give courage to the despairing, to make proud humble, to lessen envy and hate as music.

Martin Luther

Love, dreams and music

"I lived my most beautiful dreams to the fullest. I love and I am loved. I sing and that is my happiness. And then I thank heaven for it every day of my life."

Celine Dion, My story my dreams.


Wow!!! Shes a lucky woman :)

Dance and Love

The famous poem by Bulle Shah Teray ishq nachaya, translated by some Kartar Singh. I post it with some modifications.

Your love has made me dance like mad

Falling in love with you
Was like taking a sip of poison
Come my healer, forsaken, Im dying
Your love has made me dance like mad

The sun has set, its flush only left
Ill give my life for a glimpse of you
My fault, I came not when you bade
Your love has made me dance like mad

Dissuade me not from the path of love
Who can hold the boats on the move
Stupid, I joined the boatmen's squad
Your love has made me dance like mad

A peacock calls in the grove of passion
I see my love in Qibla and Kaaba
You asked not once after you stabbed
Your love has made me dance like mad

Bulleh Shah sits at Inayat's door
Who has dressed me in green and red
And caught me the instant I flew from the pad
Your love has made me dance like mad

Charisma of dance

Talking, writing, singing and acting are various means of expressing ones inner self. Dance is another. The rythmic movement of body synchronized with music. It is an experience, a feeling of whose like there is none. They say that dance is 'the poetry of the body'. I present in the following lines the experience of a classical dancer and he tries to explain this fact.

Spreading colours
Up and down,
Round and round
On the canvas of stage,
I do not dance;
Dance does me.

Alaap is the preparation or begining of a musical piece, done softly on the tunes of a single instrument (e.g. fulte) without percussion. In the following lines the dancer enters the stage from the side, walks slowly (indicated by the sound of ankle bells) to the centre, the only place lit dimly and performs alaap. (Rest of the stage is dark black)

I knock the door,
Another world I enter.
Slowly pacing,
I find a shelter.
My body, my soul
Merge with the music
And the amalgam as a whole,
Tries to explore that magical world.
Gone are my sorrows,
The ecstasy knows no bounds
And when my soul returns,
I am born again.

Nrita is the technical part of the dance characterised by concentric circles and intricate foot work synchronised with each and every beat of the percussion instrument. The beats get faster gradually and after reaching the climax slow down or stop suddenly

I hear someone,
Calling me.
I follow and catch her
I hold and embrace her
Together we run,
Faster and faster
Till we are one
And then
The explosion occurs
And together we stop
Suddenly
Happily
Ah! The joy
Is it heaven?
No,
Its much more than that!

Now the dancer enters the last part of the performance, the Abhinaya or the dramatic aspect of the dance. An exquisite poem/ghazal is sung. The dancer acts on it and feigns different objects.

Alluring
Bewitching
Enchanting
Such are her ways
She commands me
Thus pass my days
I am a peacock
I am a tree
I am a sun
I am a sea
I am a thunder
I am a moon
I am a flower
In full bloom
So here I am
Thus
Immortal!

Magic

Magic....people wonder what it is. With you I know I have experienced it. There were moments when we were both so in tune with each other, connected by a force nobody can explain. That all I can sense is a feeling of true love and acceptance. Moments when a meaningful glance or a simple smile becomes more powerful than anything. Moments when we know that this is where we were ment to be. Memories for a lifetime are created in these moments. And I dont know what to call it except magic. Thanks for bringing love, magic and so many beautiful memories into my life!

Forbidden Territory

'They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved, and how. And how much'


Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

Tag

So heres your tag awais :)

Here are the rules:
* You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
* When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
* At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.
* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

I dont use it but Chaudhry is my surname, so Shahid becomes my middle name

S Solitude
Most of my time pased alone in childhood. I was shy...quiet, wouldnt mix up with my cousins...quiet, wouldnt play with my age fellows, quiet. I was the odd one out, didnt like sports and playing in the streets at all and people said you are arrogant (pick up the new definition fellows: if you are quiet/shy you are arrogant) But it was good. It gave me time...to think, to figure out things...to develop my inclinations. And I think that whatever I have developed into today that is largely because of the silent period I have passed. Had it been different I would have been different today. (hey but now I talk and I laugh, and I laugh and I talk :) )

H Hafeez Khan Talwandi
For opening for me the doors of a new world (finally....the long awaited) near which my aptitude took me. I remember the first day. I got unbearably excited largely because of the Tanpura. The magic which oozes out from it pierced me like some nuclear radiations and they did not have any sign board outside the door saying 'Beware of the high intensity radiations inside'. And I did well. A guy who had been learning before me wasnt given the chance to sing at a concert, I was. About me he once said a punjabi proverb (when I made some Palta (a music terminology) myself) which means roughly that if you touch a film or a drop of oil on the surface of water, it spreads out, on the other hand no matter how hard you strike leather, it doesnt expand, it shrinks even more. He said I am like oil.
Though I am still very far away from perfection and get very little time to practise but I love to, whenever I can.

A Aveda Kadevra
I have always been interested in mysterious,eccentric things. Death is intimidating and exciting for me at the same time. Having died quite a few times in my own dreams, I cannot forget the sight of my grandma departing permanently infront of me. At another time I saw near death, and it was terrible. I get to know some things before hand based on hints. Once during childhood, I learnt some simple 'magical' tricks from a book and performed them infront of my cousins. They were flabbergasted :) I believe in astrology and palmistry (yeah..most of them are fake but there are some true possessors of this knowledge) Be it the Nienty of Qudratullah Shahab or the street magics of David Blaine and David Copperfield or dr. Attya of Alakhnagri, anything odd is exciting for me and I would like to know and learn these things :)

H Hospital
Well...by that I mean the medical studies I am undertaking. Though I am in second year now but I know that half of the rest of my life would be passing in hospitals. Dissecting and tearing open dead bodies everyday, cutting away the hands, arms and legs, digging out the eyes, breaking the jaws, splitting open the skulls, snatching away the hearts, lungs and livers of the poor cadavers does affect your life somehow :)

I Inquisitiveness
I am...very much...about the things I like. Always trying to know more, the people, society, music, everything. Everything that clicks me and makes me utter 'Wow!'

D Depression
For various reasons. Foremost is faliure, be it of any kind. Then sometimes it comes without any reason, a sudden inexplicable desire to cry, to run away, to burst apart. Sometimes due to lack of knowledge about life. 'Why and from where have we come and where shall we go' like questions. Sometimes when at night I sit in my room....quiet....alone and I feel myself a nonliving object just like the lamp, the books, the bed, the chairs in my room. Sometimes they scare me. When I feel the nothingness of myself in this vast universe and then Im scared of myself so much so that I feel like crying. Sometimes bloodshed and war going on in the world and hatred brings such a feeling and its the worst feeling.


And I tag:

S Sir Jawwad
H ---
A Asad Malik
H ---
I Illusionist
D Dilshad Muneeb